Its not about me

Over the last year or so I have been feeling unwanted. When I call my mom she either doesn't answer or gets off the phone fast. Often she would be irritable saying she was trying to take a nap. Actually it seemed thats all she did was take a nap. No matter what time I would call she would be taking a nap. I got my feelings hurt and pretty much quit calling. Thursday I talked to my brother on line and he was very worried about my mom. He thought she had congestive heart failure and was refusing to see a doctor. So I decided to go to my Mom's the next day and if nessecary call an ambulance and have her taken in. I went. No One was home. Ok I think either shes in the hospital or they're out and about and its not as bad as my brother thought. I got to Wal-Mart and kill a couple hours shopping and go back to my Mom's to wait. My stepdad is there. He had told her too bad she was going in and called an ambulance the night before and my Mom was in the ICU/CCU (cardiac care unit) with Emphesema and Heart Failure. I spent the better part of two days at the hospital and my Mom was so far gone that she would wake up, if you spoke to her she would try and speak back but you had to really focus to understand what she was saying, shes too weak to talk . Then she would nod right back out. Basically she sleeps, wakes up to eat a few bites and sleeps again. The doctor came in yesterday and told us that the problem was that her thyroid had basically quit functioning and she had no thyroid in her system so it had started shutting down (From the looks of her urine kidney failure was imminent also). With medication she should be up and even walking (she can't walk) without a walker in a few weeks. Oh and her poor face. It is blacked on one side from the middle of her forehead all the way down the side to under her chin. Her eye is black and swollen shut and the other eye is somewhat blacked. She fell trying to get to the bathroom on her own. SHe has been failing for a long time the doctor said. If she had seen a doctor a year ago this wouldnt be happening. He said shes probably been ill for years. THinking about it I realized that her face has been swollen, her hair lifeless and brittle and thinning, her eyebrows basically fell out, and she has been taking those naps for a long long time. She's been failing and I thought she looked awful the last couple times I saw her but It didnt occur to me that she was dying. It went unseen. It had nothing to do with me and everything to do with her illness. At this moment they are saying the prognosis is good, but still today all she has done is sleep and eat a few bites. I am ashamed that I took her lack of attention to me personally and let it keep from keeping in contact with my mother. One of the few things she said was that she was glad I was there. Obviously any lack of feeling has been all in my head. I will be a better daughter.