Finally a post eh? Sorry I have taken so long to post. I have lots I would like to post about but can't as my kids now have computers and may find this blog anytime. My son has already found it once so I have to be careful what I post. I have a bit of a problem that I don't know what to do about. I started going to church and I really like the church and have been attending for a while now. There is a man there tho, a widower who has become attached to me. I told him I wasn't ready for a relationship and he said thats fine, he isn't either , just be friends...... Thing is that I can barely stand to talk to him. This is terrible I know but its the truth. He smells bad, has horrid breath and is intellectually lacking. I don't want to be cruel to him. I have not encouraged him, I have only been polite. I am sure he wants more than friendship tho he says different. He sent me a text saying I am his best friend etc. I'm not. I'm not even his friend, I just cant figure out how to discourage him without hurting him. So I keep being polite and he keeps on thinking I am the best thing to ever happen to him. Its sad. I feel sad for him and I don't know what to do. Does this make me an awful person? What do I do?
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11 comments:
Ouch, That is a problem. Letting it go on isn't going to make it better. If the pastor can help you ask him to let the man know you are uncomfortable with his attention to you. If thats not for you than tell him yourself. Just tell him that you are not comfortable with his attention to you. Thats not putting him down but may solve the problem. Good Luck
Of course it doesn't make you an awful person, you're probably too kind. Maybe you could talk to the pastor, or his wife & get some advice?
Regarding your blog, why not start an anonymous blog where only people you want to find you, can.
thanks Joyce
no, advice.
But no, it does not make you a bad person. At all.
You could do what I did for a couple of years and block access and only let in those whom you want in .. if you do, my email is Pearlsofaneagle@aol.com :)
Think of you often!
Oh, I wish I had some advice, because then I'd follow it too! This happens to me all the time. I'm polite, so guys of the nature you describe always end up getting fixated on me. It's been a lifelong issue. If you get some good advice, share it with me so I can dissuade the new security guard at work. Groan!
There are some people who don't hear the truth. You've said you're not looking for anything serious, yet he continues intensifying things. Psychology research shows that talking about a boyfriend can help. Steer the conversation to you and your boyfriend every time and his over-connection should wane. Of course, this would be a fib, and you're in church and all, but it could help. If you're not keen on telling a white lie, see if you can find another time to go to church when he won't be there. Consider getting a new phone # too.
You are definitely not a terrible person. It just sound like there is nothing to go with. I think Dr Deb had some good advise. Good luck.
we had a man like this at the church I used to attend and even worse he would put his arm around the females he attached himself too. In the end we had to talk to the pastor and ask him to intervene. Our paster sat down with the man and told him that he was not allowed to touch us or follow us around, he could say hi and ask how we were doing but if we didn't want to converse with him he would have to move on. If he couldn't or wouldn't comply with that rule he would have to attend an alternative church. its a difficult situation but anyone should feel ok going to church and if someone is impacting this then it needs to be addressed
Hey. Just checking up on you and hoping all is going well.
Hi Raine,
you've done nothing wrong. Apparently politeness can be interpreted as a "come on" by some people, especially those who've rarely or never have been politely treated in their lives.
Unfortunately there is no completely painless way out of this. The best one seems to be switching churches and no contact whatsoever. In such situations even a polite "hi" back can raise hopes...
No, it does not make you an awful person. Keep praying him away:)
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