There have been a few people asking me to update. Ok. I've been taking things one small step at a time. Its the only way I can even come close to dealing. First I sent for the insurance pamplets and then refused to think about insurance until they got here. As they arrived they went onto a pile - not available in my area is where most of them went. There was a thats way too expensive pile and maybe can do it pile. The maybe can do it pile ended up with two choices. I could keep the insurance I have and travel to Fresno (over an hour away) to see doctors or I could pay another $50 a month and keep my doctors. On the last day of open season I decided to keep my doctors. I'll deal with the money next month when its time as there is nothing I can do about anything right now. So I try not to allow myself to worry until its time to worry. Doesnt always work but sometimes........ The holidays are hard. Very hard. I just want to be alone and go to bed and get up when they are over but I have kids and grandkids and cant do that. I used to like Christmas but now its just a misery to get thru without anyone realizing just how bad off I am so that I dont spoil the holiday for those that do still love it. I'm lonely and horny (freaking bi-polar does that to me, even when I dont feel the least romantic my body goes off at the worst times) However there is no one to enact that symptom upon so its just another "pain" to go with the others. I'm off meds. The hip pains were from the Risperdal and they also went into my neck. I see my shrink tomorrow but I am feeling rather hopeless as I cant afford any new meds and they all just cause problems anyway. I will have to wait til I get my new insurance card, call them and co-ordinate benefits, see my new Primary Care Physician and then get referred back to my shrink. What a royal pain in the butt! I know reading this is probably depressing as all get out. Hopefully once this holiday has passed I can cycle out of this hole I am in.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
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21 comments:
This will pass over. Not long and days will be longer.
One day at a time. I liked your piles plan. This year I am only giving gift cards to my great grandchildren.
But now I have a gift that was mailed to me and I don't know what I am going to do about it. Your pile plan won't help here. My mind doesn't understand paying 11 dollars to ship a gift. I hope that we both get thru the season without going off. Maybe I will get another blizzard up here and can stay in my house without anyone coming over. Take care and know I am thinking about ya.
I understand being in a "hole". Do you think you can make it without medicines? I hate insurance! Thanks for the input on ECT on my blog. DO enjoy your grand kids. I've been thinking about you.
I'm happy to see that you've posted. I have worried about you. I can't even pretend to know how you feel right now, but you certainly have every reason to feel that way. I am praying that the season passes quickly for you and that you can find even a little bit of joy in your kids and grandkids. God bless and big hugs.
we hope you can atleast limp through the holidays the best you can and that is all anyone can expect from you. We understand the BLAH feeling and would much rather just close our eyes and make it all go away BUT this is our last year of "bah humbug" because of our baby girl....she will be over a year old next christmas and well we dont want to pass on to her our feelings about christmas....so as of right now because she doesnt understand we say screw it.....oh by the way....just for a laugh.....
i want a hippopotamus for christmas....only a hippopotamus will do.....no crocodiles....or rhinoceroses.....i only like....hippopotamuses....and hippopotamuses like me toooooooo...... :P sorry that damn song is going round and round and round inside lol
well hell-- i spose i'm too late for this suggestion-- but maybe it can't hurt to try it???
can you-- or have you thought of calling your shrink to see if he/she will give you 'samples' of your meds just to pull you through until you can afford some on your own???
they (dr's) get samples all the time from the drug salespeople. you may get lucky. especially if you take common meds.
i've had times that my dr supplied me with a month worth of samples at a time when i was too broke to pay for em.
won't hurt to ask. that's why they have samples. give a call eh?
you know what happens when folks go off their meds. it's just not a good idea-- especially around a time that triggers are flyin around.
i'm worried about ya-- you know what to do -- just do it. ok.
thinkin of ya -
hugz
Insurance can most certainly be a bitch can't it?
I know the holidays are hard for ya Raine, for many reasons. I hope those grandkidlets of yours help to put a smile on your face while you're waiting for the season to cycle through.
((Raine)) It will get better. I am sorry, I have nothing better to offer for a little comfort.
Raine, thanks for the holiday wishes. I hope if yours can't be good they pass quickly and relatively painlessly. *offers hugs*
Raine, I wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas. Enjoy the grand babies and your family.
It is noteay to feel rotten, and even despondent, especially when everyone around you is trying to be joyful and triumphant, or whatever the hell they are acting like.
As of yet, we cannot fix a mind like we can an ear infection, or even a torn cornea. You are courageous,hang in there. The days are getting longer. The sun is returning.
I agree. We're just around the bed. Somehow we will get through this.
(((((((((((raine)))))))))))))
Arrg, that was supposed to be "just around the bend." :D
hope you have a happy happy christmas raine :))
hugs
ahhh christmas is a really bad time of year.. everything seems harder....
hope things get better
My best wishes for the New Year for You and Your family. Sometimes they can step on the nerves, but after all it's what we have. Stay healthy and let me hug you gently:
((Raine))
Happy 2010 Raine! (belated, yes)Hope u r well, that the year is good to u, ands it great to c u still blogging!
Raine, Thinking about you! Hope you can feel the hug that is going out your way.
I hope you're okay.
Hello Raine. How are you?
Hang in there! Did you survive the holidays? I know exactly what you mean byhaving to pretend to enjoy yourself. I made it right up tothe evening of the 2 January without conflict and then I was not allowed 30 minute time out when it all got too much. So I wanted to go home. I was not allowed toslip away quietly either, it had to be a big deal and I had to take responsibility for spoiling everyones day :o(. Anyway 11.5 months until I have to do it all again :)
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