Happy Thanksgiving ?

I wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving. Now I'm gonna whine. It is the Risperdal causing the hip pain and the muscle rigidity or spasms or whatever you want to call it also moved up into my neck, at the base of my skull. So I had to quit taking the Risperdal. Doing so plunged me into depression or maybe its just my cycle having been interrupted by the Risperdal simply resumed. The depression hit hard the day I was supposed to go the City and be fingerprinted for volunteering at the zoo. I couldnt do it. Soooo I am too screwed up to even manage one day a week. I couldnt even manage the initial process. I was manicky for a while and while I was I maxed out my credit cards (duh I have to pay for them now) . I also got all my bills organized , written out and sent out early. Unfortunately I sent them one day too early. Several of them hit the bank the same day my check arrived and they oh so kindly decided to bounce them all even tho all but one had cleared before that. So I had several $35 bounces charges I couldn't afford at all. This seriously messed up my finances. I havent bounced a check in probably 10 years or more So it will take a few months to recover from this blow plus its harder to do as I have to make all those credit card payments.... or lose the credit I worked so hard to get. "Someday" when my daughter is out of school and working and paying the rent I want to buy a car. If I dont keep up with these payments that will be impossible.
I keep hearing the song that was playing in my head while Torrey was dying. Its playing in my head now. I'd like to think that means hes close to me, but I cant communicate with him and that makes me very sad. All in all, life sucks for me at this moment. I know most of these feelings of hopelessness can be attributed to depression but I still feel them. I feel hopeless. I feel I am going to be sick (actively so) broke and alone for the rest of my life however long that might be. I can think of things to be thankful for, I really can but I cant FEEL them right now. I hope that one day these holidays aren't so damned painful. I really do wish that you all are having a truly happy light hearted Thanksgiving.