Long overdue update

Well I should have posted long ago but theres been alot on my plate. My daughter started summer college courses and has been suffering considerable anxiety over it. " Mom what does this mean?" "Mom, how do I do this?" "mom" "Mom" Like I know LOL. There is little I can help her with as I only took USDA classes and a few classes that would get me into the USDA. There were no specific formats to use then for what I was taking. My friend Sera has given her some tips and my neighbor ( a history buff, that talks history even when you dont want to hear it LOL) has been kind of tutoring her. End result? First math exam- A, First history exam-A. YAY
I take care of my grandson while she is in school and studying so that keeps me very busy. Some of you may remember I met an older man while fishing last summer? Well we've played alot of Bingo and had a few meals......... He's been stalking me. I warned him the first time I caught him very firmly and loudly. Thought I had caught him again, but he said I was mistaken and I let it go. The last month I havent been saying anything, just watching. He has been blatantly stalking me. Every day, several hours a day. Other people have noticed. At any rate I waited til he was doing it again, ran across the street without using the crosswalk so I could get there faster and totally blasted him verbally. The last thing I said was if I catch him again, I will report it to the police, at which point he made a shushing gesture and I said " I dont give a shit, everybody sees you doing this, why not let them hear about it too?" He left at the point and I "think" he is taking me seriously now. I havent caught him since. And he is EASY too catch. I have actually mangaged to slip around buildings and come up behind his car and take his soda out of his hands before he knew I was there. I am better aat stalking the stalker, than he is at stalking me. At any rate, I wont be playing Bingo anymore so I might have more time online. On the same night that I blasted the stalker, my son and daughter had a massive blow out and disowned each other. VERY upsetting for me as I love them both dearly and eventually would like to have us all living close so that I can spend time with both of my kids and grandkids............ I do hope they get over it asap

a new family member

This is our newest family member who just came to us yesterday. He's only about a month old so we are feeding him puppy formula. He crawled into Charlies food bowl attempting to eat his kibble which was way to big for him but I snapped a picture because he was so cute. By the way this is a normal sized dog bowl. Charlie only weighs 12 pounds and yet he looks like a horse next to this puppy. I think I might try and snap a picture of them together so that you all can see just how tiny this puppy is. If you are reading this post, I will be adding to it later. Right now I have a riot of toddler , dog and daughter in here>

more %$*@(*#&(@*& SURGERY!!!!

I had one of two teeth pulled yesterday. They refused to do the other, even tho it was an oral surgeon I was seeing. It seems that the roots of that molar extend into the sinus cavity and if they remove it I will have a huge opening from inside my mouth to my sinus cavity. It will require me seeing another oral surgeon and at least two ( possibly many) surgeries to get this taken care of. SHIT! I dont even know if my insurance will cover such a thing . It seems to me that operating thru the nose and putting a thingy ( forgot what its called ) in there to block the opening should come under medical rather than dental.........but I dont know. If its under dental I am so screwed. My dental doesnt do shit. If its under medical then I should be ok. Thats one major issue. The other is that I am horrified by the possibility of having that opening and have it reopen over and over. The surgeon said that it would be a 70% opening what ever that means. I will be referrred to the new surgeon tomorrow and then we will see, after I actually talk to them. Sigh

I want him back

Today is my birthday and I am depressed and greiving. Everyone around me is trying to do nice stuff and they expect a positive reaction. They dont get it. I try and explain its not them, I'm bi-polar but there are very few that get it. Most people think they do but they dont. I dont need a reason to fall into a deep depression but when I do........... the depression can find something wrong. This time, well I am still overcome by waves of grief along with being bi-polar. Bi-polar or greif.........I think its both because of the symptoms just prior to the depression but also his birthday was the 20th. We were 5 days apart (along with 3 years). I want him back. I look for him in other people and hes not there. I know I shouldnt do that but I cant seem to stop myself. I have dreams......... He got it. He was able to walk in and find me dysphoric or depressed and to not take it personally. He didnt have any expectations other than to love me and I dont think I will ever find that again. The rest of the world......well.......they all seem to think that if you arent happy, then you must be angry or upset with them. Even when you explain it has nothing to do with them and it is the illness. They dont beleive you. I can see it. T did believe me and if I was down he would just say I hope you feel better honey and give me a hug and go watch Sci-Fi and play on his computer. If I got weepy he'd hold me. On occassion he would gently suggest I go to bed and he was generally right about that. Its so not fair that I only got to have him for 3 years.

miscellaneous ranting

I have a list of complaints to spew about it seems. One- Kentucky Fried Chicken. They have this new grilled chicken. I want to try it. My doctor wants me to eat lowfat so it seemed a good idea. SOooooo. I go there and order and they tell me they have no chicken. WTF? Several times I have been there and been told that they are out of original recipe or extra crispy or legs or....... But to have no chicken at all?!?!? Thats just too much and very bad management. Next, K-mart. I wanted to buy my grandson water shoes. We swim and fish quite a bit and unfortunately people are pigs in general and leave broken glass and fish hooks and other nasty things about so we need water shoes. Kmart seemed to only have little girls water shoes. So I ask the manager if they are going to get more in. " We generally dont stock those until winter" OKkkkkkkaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyy I ask why with a very straight face and he cant answer me. I explain the purpose of water shoes, for foot protection when fishing, swimming etc. you know WATER SHOES? and he tells me I should have been specific. Uh HELLO I said water shoes , not rubber boots. How much more specific can you get? Last night after a weekend spent vomitting with a gastrointestinal virus (stomach flu) thats been around this apartment complex, I am trying to get some sleep. Its 2 a.m. and I am just dozing off. What do I hear? A woman screaming at the top of her lungs into a cell phone in the yeard of the house next door. "Tell Arnold to bring me a fucking joint and I'll give him some pussy. I dont care , he doesnt mind drive. Just tell him you asshole" etc etc etc. Just what I want to hear or want my 3 year old grandson to wake up to. No class at all. Its bad enough she'll prostitute herself for a $4 joint much less announce it to the whole neighborhood! So I put on my robe, walk outisde and say in a very firm angry voice. "YOu think you can keep it down out here?" Tweaker says" You heard me? "Yeah, every single word, loud and clear coming thru my bedroom window where my grandson is sleeping. YOU got me out of bed?" "Oh I'm sorry" grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Besides spewing my intestines all over the restroom over the weekend I had a tooth crack right up the middle into my gums , leaving both halves loose but connected and kind of in a bad position. I cant chew without alot of pain. Went to Western Dental to get it out and they wont take it out as parts are into my sinuses? I have to wait til June 1st for an appt with an oral surgeon. Meanwhile I have to live with eating my food in small chunks and basically swallowing them whole. What an aggravating week!

P.S. I went across the street to get prescriptions and coming back right now a guy on a cell phone in a big assed truck nearly ran me down in the sidewalk. TWO laws broken there. One its illegal here to drive thru a crosswalk while pedestrians are still in it. Two- its illegal to be talking on a cell phone while driving. You must have an earpeice- he didnt. I yelled HEY!! and he looked over and then got a look of shock on his face realizing how very close to me he was. Dumbass, pay attention when you are driving a tank!

Crazy shit happening to me again

I was coming back from Bingo. You may remember a previous post about coming back from Bingo and finding a body on the sidewalk in Madera. Alive luckily. I left Madera because they shot someone in front of my house. As you can see I have bad history there and tonight it continued. I was coming back from Bingo and we stopped at a gas station that we always stop at for a bathroom break and a drink. I'm standing at the counter and my friend is in the restroom when all of a sudden all hell breaks loose. I end up wedged into the corner there by counter ducking and weaving frantically to avoid this very large fist that kept coming at my face. The guy wasnt aiming at me but his back swing was definetely endangering me. Two guys had tried a beer run and 3 guys in the store (owners/workers) werent going to let it happen. They grabbed them and hung on. The two criminals started swinging to try and get loose which they eventually did. I hear from friend that most people turn white when frightened but evidentally I turn dark red. Of course that could be the adrenalin rush and all the ducking and weaving. I am amazed that anyone could be hit as hard as that man was hitting the store owner and not be seriously injured. Anyway the end result was that the bad guys got away, minus at least one case of beer ( it was sitting on the sidewalk broken open) one good guy had an injured arm and I have made the decision we dont stop in Madera anymore! If my next post says I got ticketed for urinating on the side road, well you will know why.

just a ramble

I dont have anything particularly important to say but there are things running thru my brain. For example: why does my browser get stuck on certain blogs? People with music on their blogs........well I kinda think they should give you a choice if you want to listen to it or not. I am sitting here with a sleeping toddler in the room and when I go to a blog and the music starts, I have to frantically figure out how to turn it off, turn the speakers down ( oops there is another place other than speakers to be turned down, etc etc) I used to be afraid a few years ago that I would die and that no one would realize until the rent wasnt paid and they came to evict me. That is no longer a problem. I miss my friends online. I wish I could get on here in peace and quiet more often so I could talk to them. My dog is being neutered Tuesday. My daughter is going to college (yay), She was thinking bout becoming an accountant but then someone pointed out that there is no money to count. Maybe an LVN to start, we'll see after she talks to the counselor there. My son made a good point I thought the other day. He said that Obama had promised that no one who made under $250,000 a year would see a tax increase. HELLO OBAMA!?!?!? You think only rich people smoke?!?!?! I'm trying to quit but I am having alot of difficulty and keep running across the street and paying that damned $6 a pack..... My daughter and grandson are now addicted to fishing. My daughter caught a trout the other day and now its on. My grandson pulled in a stringer of 3 trout while in a singsong type of voice chanting "come here fishy fishy..... I'm gonna eat you" I thought it was funny. My son is looking at buying his first home in Nevada and Im proud of him for that. He wants for his sister, nephew and I to move to Nevada. Ummmmmm well I would love to be near him and my granddaughter. There are a couple issues I have......... One it would take a few thousand at least to move. Two I have friends here ( well kinda, dont want to move farther away than I already am) Three, there are no trees there and I do mean NONE and that freaks me out. ALOT. It seems very bleak there and kinda scary. I cant imagine life with no trees. If I ever do move out there I will have to have a seperate moving truck full of potted trees....... My grandson is VERY happy here , living in the apartment complex and having friends and busy days and so is my daughter. They are both already signing up for school and are happy enough here that even the idea of buying a house ( a distinct possibility in the not so distant future) causes a bit of apprehension. If we moved into a real house , there wouldnt be 30 kids to play with, or neighbors to work out at the gym with, no neighbors bringing us lasagna etc...... You know what? Its being kind of put in my face..... unintentionally.... How very reclusive and shy I really am. have basically been at my gym for a year. I go and work out on the machines and rarely speak. I always listen but I just dont have anything to contribute or dont feel I do and I dont know what to say so I dont speak unless spoken to. Neighbors- my daughter chats for hours with them and plans parties and easter egg hunts and b-b-q's etc etc etc. Then they see me outside and try to hold a conversation with me..........same thing. After a couple of polite questions/answers, I am at a loss for words and the conversation just dies. My daughter hadnt realized this before and neither had I really. Tho I have a few online friends who probably find this idea hilarious, its really true. I really am ......... I dont know how to put it. Reclusive? Shy, withdrawn? There must be a good descriptive word. I have not had many friends , real friends, not just nodding acquaintances in my life. I literally can count the ones I have had in the last say 20 years? On less than two hands . Normally I babble this crap to my friends online on IM. However no on is online, they have kinda given up on me being here and are busy with the holidays themselves sooooooo you get the joy of reading my babbles. Happy Easter! Have an untriggering holiday for those with Easter Issues. I'm going now I will probably be finding typos in this text for weeks.........